Understanding Our Issues
In order to feel psychologically better about ourselves, we may use the defence mechanism of projection. This involves projecting onto other people the things we hate or can’t stand about ourselves. This enables us to tell ourselves that it is not us who is at fault.
This is, however, just an excuse.
The things that you can’t stand about yourself may be minor, such as being intensely annoyed by someone else’s messy hair. But then you realise that your own hair is often messy too. That is owning it. Then, if you continue to be annoyed by it, you know where it comes from. You can take action on your own hair, should you so desire, and in turn you can then reduce the amount of annoyance you feel by what you choose to say to yourself about it. For instance, you might say to yourself, “Let it go. It’s okay”.
However, the things we can’t stand may be larger. Racists, for example, will often not admit to being racist, but instead blame ethnic minorities for taking jobs and other nefarious deeds.
Not only do we project negative aspects of ourselves, but positive aspects as well. Make a list of the things that you can’t stand in others, as well as the characteristics that you admire most. Those things that you can’t stand will be negative aspects of yourself that you need to own.
Perhaps you used to behave in a certain way that you are now ashamed of. Perhaps you believe passionately about a certain issue. It’s important to accept how you feel, but it’s not okay to see it everywhere in others where it isn’t. Be realistic. You still need to own it.
Those qualities that you admire in others are the things that you have the potential to attain, should you so wish. If you admire inspirational speakers, for instance, then you have the capacity to become one too. It may take a lot of effort and practice, but it is possible. If you admire other peoples’ ability to run workshops, then you can do this as well. It’s all a matter of having the desire, the material, the support and the resources to do so. The potential is undoubtedly there. It’s up to you to take action and take it further.
The more self aware you are, the more you will understand your projections and be able to own them. It’s helpful to ask yourself the question, “Is this me, too?” The more you own aspects of yourself, the more aware you become. We all have both positive and negative aspects within us. If you keep on asking yourself this question, and accepting all aspects of yourself, then you will become awesome.