What can you do when you have worked out your self-change goals and attempted to implement steps to achieve them, but aren’t having much success?
The actions below can help you to become unstuck.
Review Your Goals
Look at the goals you have set.
Are they SMART? Specific. Measurable. Attractive. Realistic. Time framed.
Are they what you really want?
Review Your Negative Emotions
Are negative emotions getting in the way?
Are envy, jealousy, resentment or thoughts of revenge stopping you from moving on?
If you are envious or jealous, then your boundaries are not in positive territory. The way you think about yourself and your expectations of relationships could therefore be more positive and realistic.
In order to let go of these emotions and thoughts, you can do the fire visualisation as set out in my previous blog. You can also let go of feelings of resentment and thoughts of revenge in the same way.
However, you may need to do something else first to enable these thoughts and emotions to become unstuck. If you have resentment, or feelings of guilt, then it is helpful to carry out a forgiveness exercise before you let the emotions go.
Imagine the person involved is standing in front of you and surrounded by a pink light. Say to them aloud (or at least by whispering), “I ask your forgiveness, I forgive you, I forgive myself. I pray for your prospering wherever you are. I bless you and release you to your highest good.”
This process really does make a difference. You will feel able to let the emotions and thoughts go, and can now carry out the fire visualisation.
If you have thoughts of revenge towards someone who hurt you, what you can do is find some crayons, pastels or paint, and then draw a picture of the act of revenge actually taking place. It might be helpful to describe what is happening after you have completed the picture. However, because this is a letting-go process, it is important not to retain it – destroy the picture afterwards.
You might then feel ready to do the fire visualisation, which involves throwing your thoughts of revenge onto the fire and watching them burn and go up in smoke. (But do not put the person to whom your feelings are directed onto the fire.)
Other drawing exercises that are helpful include drawing present and future pictures of where you are now, and where you want to get to. Or you can draw you in your life in the past, present and future. Who will you be when you become transformed through meeting your goals? What will your life be like? What obstacles do you need to overcome? How will you overcome them? What will the outcome be?
These exercises may help you to release negative emotions and thoughts, which will then allow you to progress with your self change program.